I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
my poor anus
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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