fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
are you so shy because you have an std?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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