using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
