I'm going to jail i love you
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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