Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
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You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
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He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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