No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Your penis caused this!
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