They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
