Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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