cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
