DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
