idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
