Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize