Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
