I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I want her autograph on my taint
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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