Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
