gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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