if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize