Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
