I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
