Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I wish my penis had an off switch
I am puke
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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