1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
