your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
