People in love make me want to vomit
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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