If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
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