Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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