So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
