I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
