I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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