she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
