I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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