i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
