these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
