I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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