I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
