Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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