Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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