He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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