If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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