Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
