he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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