whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
