My first STD was from a foam party
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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