if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
