Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
