First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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