Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Randomize
