My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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