You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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