i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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