he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
