someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
