wat bout pragnant strippers??
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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