And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
