one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
