On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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