i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
