woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
