His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
