Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
