dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.Â
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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