This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
