Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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