I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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