He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
