Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
