Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
