Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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