Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
