I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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