she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Semen is not good for contacts.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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