p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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