So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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