"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
