i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
