Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
