I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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