he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
