Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
