i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
