just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
