Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
what day is it and did you see me today?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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