fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
