I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
