she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
